Animal I Have Become
by Werevampiwolf
Summary: Songfic to Animal I Have Become by 3 Days Grace. It's about Peeta while he's hijacked, from his rescue to the epilouge. Could be K plus, T 'cause I'm paraniod. Better than the summery. Oneshot. First THG fanfic!


**I don't own The Hunger Games or Animal I Have Become (That'd been Ms. Collins and 3 Days Grace). I can dream, though, can't I?**

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><p>It's <em>her! <em>Murderer! She destroyed my family, my friends, my life! I have to kill her!

...

She's a stinking mutt! I continue to shriek and yank at my restraints as Delly is pulled from the room. I can't make myself stop. Then the morphling enters my blood stream, knocking me out.

_I can't escape this hell  
>So many times I've tried<br>But I'm still caged inside  
>Somebody get me through this nightmare<br>I can't control myself_

I remember the hijacking process. Being injected with venom and made to watch videos. Videos of _her_. She's trying to kill me. Lying to me. Pretending to love me. This de-hijacking process is similar. Instead I'm given morphling. The videos show me other things, though some of them are the same. The kisses. But some are new. The cave. A story about a goat.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
>No one will ever change this animal I have become<br>Help me believe it's not the real me  
>Somebody help me tame this animal!<br>This animal, this animal_

She's talking about a goat. I sit for hours, thinking things through. I was dying. She could have done anything she wanted to me. Just let me die. But she didn't. I rack my brains for other motives. I know she wanted, still wants, to kill me. So why didn't she? That stupid look on my face. There's no way I could have loved her. She's a monster. A muttation. Yet the face doesn't lie. She had me bewitched. I bet it's one of her abilities as a mutt. Well, I'd always been a good liar. I had to have been playing her. Like she was playing me! How could I love her? She killed my family!

_I can't escape myself  
>So many times I've lied<br>But there's still rage inside  
>Somebody get me through this nightmare<br>I can't control myself_

They kept showing me videos. I have to agree, maybe she's not a mutt. Just a terrible, terrible person. These people here in District 13 are alright. Just horribly misguided. They want to help me, I can tell. I've been freed of restraints for a time, on good behavior. They let me decorate a wedding cake for Finnik and Annie. Annie's nice, but being duped. Finnik had teamed up with _her_ in the games. I want to see her. I want to see what it is about her that suckers people in.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
>No one will ever change this animal I have become<br>Help me believe it's not the real me  
>Somebody help me tame this animal I have become<em>

I see her for the first time, really see her. Eyes not clouded by venom or love. I still hate her. But at least I no longer have the actual poison in my veins. That stuff was painful. Seeing her makes my question harder to answer. She's small and comely, and as soon as she opens her mouth, I know she isn't very nice. Surprisingly, she allows me to question her. I tell her I remember the bread. I was so fooled. She won't say if she loved me or not. Just part of the act. She admits she tried to kill me, but only at the beginning of the Games, when I'd teamed up with the Careers. She even says that she'd sometimes enjoyed kissing me. Just part of the act. She's kissed Gale, too. For some reason, that bothers me. What a piece of work.

_Help me believe it's not the real me  
>Somebody help me tame this animal<em>

I'm free to leave my room, cuffed and guarded. I can even eat in the dinning hall. Johanna lets me sit next to her, my partner in hell. But it puts me at the same table as _her. _Finnik and Annie are there, too. I'm not very nice to them, why should I be? Well, I guess I'm a tad cruel to Annie. But Finnik's on _her_ side, not just fooled but actively supporting her. If he hadn't restarted my heart for her, I wouldn't have spent more than a month in living hell. I made _her_ mad. Good. No, that's bad. I don't even know anymore!

_Somebody help me through this nightmare  
>I can't control myself<br>Somebody wake me from this nightmare  
>I can't escape this hell<em>

I'm in _her_ squad. Boggs doesn't trust me, so I'm under guard again. Fair enough. I don't even know why I'm here. She largely avoids me. I'm quite surprised to see that she's part of my guard. On her shift, we talk some. Finnik suggests that if I'm having trouble telling reality from figment, just ask someone. It's what Annie does. I quickly develop Real or Not Real with _her. _Gale and Finnik sometimes play, too, when she's busy. Soon, it's time to fight. I'm even given my gun back, though Boggs loudly informs me that it's full of blanks. Oh well. I'm not that great of a shot anyway. Certainly not good enough to be on a sharpshooting team. We go through the Capitol, setting off pods. Suddenly, the mutt's back. I have to kill it! I pin it to the ground and go for my gun. Remembering that the gun's blank, I try to bludgeon it to death. Someone jumps on me. I shove them off, and everything happens so fast. I'm dragged away, cuffed, and locked in a closet, fighting all the while.

_This animal, this animal  
>This animal, this animal<br>This animal, this animal  
>This animal<em>

Mitchell. I murdered Mitchell. Boggs is dead, too. She was right before, she's not the monster, the mutt, I am. I must be the one to die. No one will do it, unfortunately. I'd do it my self, if I had the means, but I don't have any of those little pills, and no one will give me theirs. She's taken over, and she says we need to move on. She tries to uncuff me, but I won't allow it. I know the pain is real. We find food in a house, go down in the tunnels. There, we fight mutts, real mutts, lizard-men that smell of roses and hiss her name. I can't help but to hiss with them. Finnik and one of the camera men die, as well as the women I didn't really know and the assistant. We wind up in the shop of an ex-stylist, Tigris, who sells furry undergarments. Soon, we leave to find Snow.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
>No one will ever change this animal I have become<br>Help me believe it's not the real me  
>Somebody help me tame this animal I have become<em>

We've won. It all happens so fast. She's to kill Snow, in public. Suddenly, Coin is dead instead, shot by the girl on fire. She goes for her pill, but I won't let her. She is tried and let off on insanity, which after everything she's-we've-been through, is understandable. She goes back home, back to Twelve, while I stay at the Capitol. Both of us are receiving psychiatric care, or are supposed to be. I can tell from the doctor that she never answers his calls. How is she supposed to heal and move on? I try to get better, so I can go back to her.

_Help me believe it's not the real me  
>Somebody help me tame this animal!<br>This animal I have become_

Finally, I'm free. I return home to live a long, happy life with her. We even have two beautiful children after years of coaxing. We fill a book with lost loved ones, those we must never forget. The mutt still comes back, every now and again, but she's always there for me. Someday, we will have to explain all of this to our kids. That most mommies don't wake up screaming every night, that not every daddy gets lost in his own mind. We still play Real or Not Real. I know for sure one thing is real: "I love you, Katniss."

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><p><strong>First story longer than a few paragraphs. This one's a long one to me. I thought this song was perfect. The lines don't always fit just right, but it's still a good match, I think. Also, the sentances are supposed to be choppy. It fits the song as well as a person having mental issues, in my mind.<strong>

**Edit: At diamonddust1414 suggestion (they're right) I fixed up the ending. It's a little less crammed, and also has more stuff :D**

**Also: Thank you to .. and diamonddust1414 for reviewing!**


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